I don't read music terribly well. I never have. I studied Suzuki violin for 15 years and a heavy emphasis was placed on playing by ear. I'm incredibly thankful for this, but also wonder what implications sounder sight reading would have meant for me musically. I do enjoy the occassional moments of terror when I'm forced to stick to a score; they're good for me. They make me better.
Even still, I love the feeling of simply sensing music; just waiting and reacting to a chord change, providing a suspension or unexpectedly creating a melodic riff. I think this part of my musical creativity, or perhaps more aptly titled, my reaction-ivity, is the same part of me that loves the unexpected on stage as an actor. The vehicle is different, the road is the same. It's a bit of the thrill seeker in me, perhaps. Or it's just searching for the moments of knowing you are truly creating something, right now. Here, in this moment. Perhaps it will never come back, but we had it for a minute.
So yes, I'm limited in my skill and I will admit I need to keep moving forward in learning, trying to get better. But I also confess I'm quite happy swaying back and forth with a song and having no idea where it may go. The reward is not only the music, but the discovery.